Sorority Babes in the Slime Ball BowlORama

Enter the LaNd of your nightmares!

Sorority Babes in the Slime Ball Bowl-O-Rama

Reviewed by BombA

Directed by : David DeCoteau

year : 1988

Tagline : In a bowling alley from Hell, there's only one way to score...

Cast

Andras Jones .... Calvin

Linnea Quigley .... Spider

Robin Stille .... Babs Peterson (as Robin Rochelle)

Hal Havins .... Jimmie

John Stuart Wildman .... Keith

Brinke Stevens .... Taffy

Michelle Bauer .... Lisa (as Michelle McClellen)

Kathi O'Brecht .... Rhonda

Carla Baron .... Frankie

George 'Buck' Flower .... Janitor (as C. D. LaFleur)

Michael Sonye .... Uncle Impie (The Imp) (voice) (as Dukey Flyswatter)

First off let me make it perfectly clear that this is an ACTUAL title to an ACTUAL movie. The second point I want to make about this film is that it is my friend Vin's absolute favorite film. Everyone should keep that in mind, not only while reading this review, but also while watching the film, which I am sure everyone would want to from the title alone. For the duration of this review I will be referring to this movie as SBITSBBOR…Damn even that's too long, how about SBSBBOR, no that's not going to work either. Well I'm definitely not going to write out the title every time I reference it, so since this movie is Vin's favorite movie, I will from this point on refer to it as Vin's movie.

Anyway Vin's movie starts off like many other schlocky horror films, with naughty hotties and nerds who want to have sex with said hotties. Of course the nerds can't because…well they're nerds. One thing any fan of horror films must appreciate is the caricatures of nerdy they paint. Only in Saved by the Bell are nerds more stereotypically…well nerdy. Anyway they go over to spy on some sorority sisters spanking each other, and of course wackiness doth ensue. Ya know this sorority must have had a bad couple of pledge classes because there are like 2 pledges and 3 actual members. One is forced to wonder how they keep their house. Anyway of course the nerds get caught, and the sisters of Few Kappa Lonely catch the nerds mid-spank (that phrase can be used 2 different ways, I am high-five-ing myself right this second) and they force the nerds and the pledges to go and steal a bowling trophy. The pledges have to obey to get into the sorority, and the nerds must obey because …well they're really nerdy.

Once they get to the trophy and remove it they somehow release pure terror…well not really, they release a little imp who is kind of cute until he talks. He has a very annoying voice. Terribly annoying. Anyway the imp grants twighlight-zone-esque wishes. You know the kind that start out really terrific but then things turn to shit? Well anyway I don't want to give away the ending, but I will tell you one thing, it involves an imp with a very annoying voice. Nauseatingly annoying.

Vin's movie has a few things going for it in the positive. One thing on that list is Linnea Quigley. She plays "spider." You all remember Linnea Quigley as "Trash" from the Return of the Living Dead. This role is a far departure from her most prominent role though. Ya see as Trash, she played a gutter-slutty-biker-punky-chick who got naked. In Vin's movie she plays a gutter-slutty-biker-punky-chick who keeps her clothes on. Purists would argue that she took a big step back dramatically there, but I'm not here to debate that. To make up for her sudden shyness, Vin's movie also has the perpetually topless Michele Bauer at it's dispense. To be sure Michele will not go through this movie without showing her breasts, which are even more impressive in this film than they are in "Evil Toons." She must have used her "good breasts" for Vin's movie, and used the "more fuel efficient" downgraded versions for Evil Toons. She bares all a few times in this movie. Once at the beginning where she is getting initiated into the sexy solitary sorority sisters, and once after the impy, who has a bothersome voice, grants one of the poindexter-esqe nerds his wish. The nerdy-nerderton's wish of course is to bone Michele Bauer. He gets his wish but gets all nerdy and shy when his moment in the sun arrives. This part had Fred and I pretty pissed off. At one point Fred and I were so infuriated at nerd-linger that we began to enter something of a berserker rage, but were eventually subdued by the showing of more boobs. Anyway Sir Nerds-A-Lot kept trying to crawl away and Michele Bauer had to keep dragging him back by his drawers till he somehow managed to escape his fate. I'm sure director David DeCoteau thought it was effective comedy to have this nerd trying to escape the charms of Michele Bauer, but come on, if any of you screech-ian nerds out there ever get the chance to do Michele Bauer you better damn well do it. Another thing Vin's movie has going for it is the old-as-dust custodian, who knows all of the facts about the imp (which has a somewhat irritating voice), but is limited to help because he can't hear a damn thing. He of course misinterprets every word out of everyone's mouths, which provides some good 3 stooges-esque humor.

Now the one thing that is going to hold this movie back from ever receiving the recognition that "Howard the Duck" got is "Uncle Impie" (Yeah that's right somehow this little guy got to be known as "Uncle Impie." Now I don't know if I missed the part where they dubbed him that or what, but he apparently is, in fact, Uncle Impie). Now I realize that previously in this review I may have understated the annoyingness of the imp's voice, but for some reason it just really drives me nuts. The extremely limited puppeteering didn't get my goat, nor did the fact that they called him "uncle" for no damn good reason, but his voice is like icy nails on a chalkboard to me.

Annoyingly voiced imps and urkle-like nerds aside, this movie had a good schlock entertainment value to it, and was definitely watchable as long as you check your brains at the local blockbuster in exchange for said movie. I've seen this several times and I haven't stirred cyanide into my juice-box just yet. Now go check this one out, but don't stop by any bowling alleys on your way to the video store, because you might just accidentally tip over a trophy that…hmm…well….never mind….(cue evil laugh in oh-so-annoying "uncle" impy voice…)